I have tried with all my might to walk within the lines, to obey, and to embrace simplicity. Yet I always end up on the other side of the realm—with complexity, darkness, and rebellion.

This is not a justification, but rather a confession. A quiet, affirmative confession of what lurks within my heart.

I often perceived myself as a light seeker, but darkness had always captured my soul. I know that—for I am darkness as well as light—and neither trembles my soul. I chose darkness, for it shows one’s true passion, one’s courage to go after what he truly seeks.

It is quite easy to choose light; it is the clear path. But he who walks in the alleys of the abyss is the creator of light—the light which the rest chooses effortlessly.

I have tried with all my might to follow what was easy, what was simple, but such a path was not written for a soul like mine.

Now that I have opened myself to the light of darkness, I accept—I embrace all that my soul calls for, and I no longer wish to hide what I seek. That is, the path of uncertainty and perhaps loneliness.

I am not a hero, but rather a mirror to the mind and soul. No matter how much I aimed to write of supposedly beautiful matters, I fall back to the seemingly dark fragments.

Although, I don’t perceive them as darkness—but as a calling. An opportunity for eternal light, for beauty and poetry in all that the mind does not perceive as such.

I never saw myself as a good person, nor as a successful person. However, such perception never affected the way I lived my life. The “I” never meant to be as grand as it convinces me to be.

Being nothing was the proof that I was, in fact, everything—for nothing and everything sit on the same line, on different ends—just as simplicity and complexity, light and darkness.

I was able to go from one end to another, and I had perfected absolute harmony in my humanly existence.

As soon as I tried to remain on one end, an unbearable weight had fallen upon what was already “everything.”

For one cannot aim to be everything whilst also being everything. Therefore—seeking to be everything quite literally means one is nothing. And I had become nothing the moment I began to escape nothingness in the path to everything.

Nothingness, wholeness, “everything,” are merely expressions of polarities imposed by the rigid mind to lessen our freedom—hence its mental strain.

In other words, we sit on an end that feels secure—an end that is not free but perhaps certain. Tilting on one extreme until the other end has no choice but to collapse under the weight we had created.

Light and darkness are one. The choice of duality is an illusion. And to choose light is to let darkness govern all that we cannot perceive.

What if the path we avoid is the one that reveals us?

To be continued